tbh right now the only thing I enjoy is horse riding. When will colleges open? When will corona end?
Like a Dreamer
Thursday, 26 November 2020
Thursday, 4 June 2020
Somebody’s Birthday
The trip to Goa was quite a success. But it’s far away now, what’s real is that I am here at home with my family amidst a global pandemic. I had my year planned out, how humbling to know my plans can be altered so suddenly.
It’s somebody’s birthday today. In a few days, my sneaky letter and gift should reach him. I hope he likes it? It’s June, it’s been six months since January and..we are talking. That’s something.
I wonder how this post will age.. will it another post about another guy I was infatuated with once upon a time? Like so many others! Oooff. This time, I hope it will be more. I don’t know why since it’s impractical and silly of me and that’s generally not me.
But I think it’s best to not think so much, and best to not try to control so much..things always fall into place beautifully. Saying yes to god always leads to joy and we can absolutely bank on that (Elizabeth Elliot)
Yume tourou playing in the background right now lmao
How fitting that this is the 7th post of this blog.
It’s somebody’s birthday today. In a few days, my sneaky letter and gift should reach him. I hope he likes it? It’s June, it’s been six months since January and..we are talking. That’s something.
I wonder how this post will age.. will it another post about another guy I was infatuated with once upon a time? Like so many others! Oooff. This time, I hope it will be more. I don’t know why since it’s impractical and silly of me and that’s generally not me.
But I think it’s best to not think so much, and best to not try to control so much..things always fall into place beautifully. Saying yes to god always leads to joy and we can absolutely bank on that (Elizabeth Elliot)
Yume tourou playing in the background right now lmao
How fitting that this is the 7th post of this blog.
Sunday, 29 December 2019
8tracks.com
Always nice to come back and read my thoughts from when I was younger. The internet can turn into a rabbit hole of memories since it seems to keep on collecting tidbits of our life. 8tracks emailed me telling me they are shutting down,thats what prompted me to look for this blog again. Going to be end of the decade soon. Its been a good one for me. Honestly,each year ends up being better for me. Iam going on two trips,a short one for the new year and a longer one to a coastal town with two friends. Out of whom one is slightly more than a friend. Lets see what happens ehhh? Wish I could say i am better than when I was younger when it comes to these things. Well,Iam. In certain ways anyway. In others Iam still stupid and my heart still flutters and I hope too much sometimes and other times not enough and yadayadayada. Now I accept it (And know how to enjoy it). Going through my favorite tracks on 8tracks rn,which was last updated in 2015 or something. Gosh I have so much indie over there! And these "chill"mixes or whatever. Iam happy, though. All i can say is that. I appreciate the correct things now - love and family and friendship.
"Let
life surprise you."
Me to me, 23 March 2019.
"Let
life surprise you."
Me to me, 23 March 2019.
Wednesday, 13 December 2017
My father is a lovely man. Not all the time. Like a lot of men who are at the absolute top of their careers,where they are finally bearing fruit of the labor of their youth..he can tend to sometimes forget he is a mere mortal as well.Often displaying signs of pride bordering on arrogance or a sense of superiority and privilege. I can't say its only started recently though,some people are more prone to certain weaknesses in character than others. As I've seen,tall,powerful,masculine men have always been,and always will be prone to arrogance.
At this juncture in his life,I fear he can only be alerted to this trait of his through his family. Its rather difficult though,when he scares the wits out of everyone with his history of anger.
Now,me,ever the creative soul has devised my own way of handling the issue. Whenever I detect that autocratic sounding tone of voice,childish demands,disrespect in conversation. I do nothing. I don't rebelliously speak out like my sister does,nor do I scurry to cater to his demands like my mother.
My displeasure is never covert,never an outburst.
The only way it is shown is through a slight frown,a steely glance,slightl clenching of teeth,a smirk.
Something that shows criticism and defiance in my thought but never in my actions. Something which shows the distaste under the surface,brewing and brewing,but one he can never address and one he can never defend, because there is nothing to defend.I have made no allegations.
At this juncture in his life,I fear he can only be alerted to this trait of his through his family. Its rather difficult though,when he scares the wits out of everyone with his history of anger.
Now,me,ever the creative soul has devised my own way of handling the issue. Whenever I detect that autocratic sounding tone of voice,childish demands,disrespect in conversation. I do nothing. I don't rebelliously speak out like my sister does,nor do I scurry to cater to his demands like my mother.
My displeasure is never covert,never an outburst.
The only way it is shown is through a slight frown,a steely glance,slightl clenching of teeth,a smirk.
Something that shows criticism and defiance in my thought but never in my actions. Something which shows the distaste under the surface,brewing and brewing,but one he can never address and one he can never defend, because there is nothing to defend.I have made no allegations.
Monday, 1 September 2014
Rediscovering.
Woah,so Iam posting after an year or something..
And i read these posts written by me so long ago and i realise how far I have come,and how much I have changed.
for good or for bad,I can't say yet..for one,the person I mentioned in my blog is still in my life though now he is one of my closest freinds that I love and cherish and well,let's just say there are problems going on between us for a while and how weird that just when I was going to give up on us !Istumble upon this post and it makes me realise how it all started .how Iam not going to give up.I have done that enough.
Aside from all this,I have just shifted to a new place and settling in is hard and so is dealing with nostalgia.But Iam doing it and in the process finding new things about myself I didn't know were there.Its appropriate to say Iam rediscovering myself since Iam so longer defined by the impressions people have of me.But starting from scratch is hard,making a place for yourself is hard but I'll do it because I have done it before.
a
As Iam rediscovering myself I look back on the time when I was new back where I came from too.And i notice how gullible and trusting I was compared to what Iam today,I call myself "mature" now and I think everyone is playing games and that's not true.The world has good people and being trusting is not a weakness ,it's a strength that younger me used to possess and I want it back.Because at the end of the day more people have been by my side than who have betrayed me.Trusting has never backfired..But I can say that one good change that has come is Iam more self reliant where emotional needs are concerned and that's so liberating but I miss who I was and now I realise Iam the person past me wanted to be.
Iam confident,self reliant,witty and mostly smart.
But I also realise that I want to be much more,I want to be someone who is approachable and someone who is a good person and someone who is positive and encouraging ..
I think moving me from the place where I was is just a way for the universe giving me a chance to rediscover myself and make a better version of myself.Mm
And i read these posts written by me so long ago and i realise how far I have come,and how much I have changed.
for good or for bad,I can't say yet..for one,the person I mentioned in my blog is still in my life though now he is one of my closest freinds that I love and cherish and well,let's just say there are problems going on between us for a while and how weird that just when I was going to give up on us !Istumble upon this post and it makes me realise how it all started .how Iam not going to give up.I have done that enough.
Aside from all this,I have just shifted to a new place and settling in is hard and so is dealing with nostalgia.But Iam doing it and in the process finding new things about myself I didn't know were there.Its appropriate to say Iam rediscovering myself since Iam so longer defined by the impressions people have of me.But starting from scratch is hard,making a place for yourself is hard but I'll do it because I have done it before.
a
As Iam rediscovering myself I look back on the time when I was new back where I came from too.And i notice how gullible and trusting I was compared to what Iam today,I call myself "mature" now and I think everyone is playing games and that's not true.The world has good people and being trusting is not a weakness ,it's a strength that younger me used to possess and I want it back.Because at the end of the day more people have been by my side than who have betrayed me.Trusting has never backfired..But I can say that one good change that has come is Iam more self reliant where emotional needs are concerned and that's so liberating but I miss who I was and now I realise Iam the person past me wanted to be.
Iam confident,self reliant,witty and mostly smart.
But I also realise that I want to be much more,I want to be someone who is approachable and someone who is a good person and someone who is positive and encouraging ..
I think moving me from the place where I was is just a way for the universe giving me a chance to rediscover myself and make a better version of myself.Mm
Sunday, 3 November 2013
Teen Stuff ew.
Sometimes I really wish I could just "un meet" someone,and other times I think getting to know that person is the best thing that has ever happened to me. These mood swings are basically what happens when you have a crush.And unfortunately,as of now,Iam stuck in there too.Like,really,what am I doing?
According to my observations there three type of crushes -
1. The celebrity crush kind
2. The not-so-sure kind
3. The full on iam-in-love kind.
these can be stages of having a crush or just different types of them depends on the situation.
1. The celebrity crush kind is basically when you find someone really attractive.You dont know them but yeah,you like them.
2. The not-
According to my observations there three type of crushes -
1. The celebrity crush kind
2. The not-so-sure kind
3. The full on iam-in-love kind.
these can be stages of having a crush or just different types of them depends on the situation.
1. The celebrity crush kind is basically when you find someone really attractive.You dont know them but yeah,you like them.
2. The not-
Sunday, 22 September 2013
Daydreams..
I day dream,ask anyone ,friends,family or even my teachers.Getting lost into daydreams is one thing I love doing,and thats where I find hidden ideas for my stories. But I wonder,how cool is it of the human mind to completely submerge themselves in another reality. Like we are living it.The same is with books,you LIVE the character's life.You forget who you are and you feel what the character feels . Its weird,like maybe you' re thinking about what if you went to "that party".You think about what you would wear,how you would communicate with other humans around and what all MIGHT happen. All of that is in our mind,just in the grey matter stuffed into our head.What if these versions you create of your life are actually there?Like some other you is living them somewhere in the universe?Living what you dream.
Or maybe not.But its still intriguing how we make ourselves feel and almost experience things that haven't even happened. Like we can imagine the sensations,the feelings,our own thoughts! Our ability to make ourselves feel something completely different then whats actually happening in your reality right now makes yourself question whats actually what we call "reality" ?
Like when you are in a dream you dont know you are dreaming.Well thats the case most of the time.And sometimes even I recall some past incident and I realize iam not sure whether its a memory or did I just THINK about that moment happening in my life so vividly that I cant even differentiate between reality and my own thoughts.
Doesn't this make you think?That maybe this moment right now,isn't real?
I day dream,ask anyone ,friends,family or even my teachers.Getting lost into daydreams is one thing I love doing,and thats where I find hidden ideas for my stories. But I wonder,how cool is it of the human mind to completely submerge themselves in another reality. Like we are living it.The same is with books,you LIVE the character's life.You forget who you are and you feel what the character feels . Its weird,like maybe you' re thinking about what if you went to "that party".You think about what you would wear,how you would communicate with other humans around and what all MIGHT happen. All of that is in our mind,just in the grey matter stuffed into our head.What if these versions you create of your life are actually there?Like some other you is living them somewhere in the universe?Living what you dream.
Or maybe not.But its still intriguing how we make ourselves feel and almost experience things that haven't even happened. Like we can imagine the sensations,the feelings,our own thoughts! Our ability to make ourselves feel something completely different then whats actually happening in your reality right now makes yourself question whats actually what we call "reality" ?
Like when you are in a dream you dont know you are dreaming.Well thats the case most of the time.And sometimes even I recall some past incident and I realize iam not sure whether its a memory or did I just THINK about that moment happening in my life so vividly that I cant even differentiate between reality and my own thoughts.
Doesn't this make you think?That maybe this moment right now,isn't real?
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